


love me down my bones

by valkyriered



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Asexuality, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriered/pseuds/valkyriered
Summary: A collection of Uliro prompts and drabbles from my tumblr. Some aren't really paring, some are super paring.





	1. Chapter 1

'prompt for you~ Pidge and Hunk have largely just been guessing or using trial-and-error when it comes to repairs for Shiro's arm. Ulaz changes that.'

\--

Shiro watches as Ulaz carefully digs around inside his arm. His eyes are glazed over, his mouth slightly open. His breath is slow and even, and it almost sounds like he’s sleeping. In retrospect, they should’ve been pumping him full of anti-anxiety medication every time they opened his arm. Pidge glances down at her datapad to double-check his vitals. 

“Shiro, are you sure you want to be watching this?” Hunk asks. He’s sitting at Ulaz’s elbow, watching as he navigates the insides of the arm with unsettling familiarity. Pidge is at his other side, occasionally adjusting the light to get a better look. 

Shiro shrugs his flesh arm. “M’pretty high.” 

Ulaz clears his throat and digs a little deeper with his tools, ready to return to his lecture. “This is the tertiary nerve cluster. It controls most of the digital movement.” Pidge leans a little closer, watching as Ulaz prods one of the wires and Shiro’s pinky twitches. She and Hunk had dug through the arm plenty of times, and had assigned their own meanings to certain areas, but having Ulaz give them essentially a guided tour of it feels oddly disconnected. Like they’re looking at some unfamiliar machine, and not Shiro’s right arm. 

Shiro mumbles something incoherent, then, “Don’t do that.” 

Ulaz looks up at him. “…Of course. I apologize. Would you like to stop?” 

Shiro shakes his head. “Keep goin’.” 

Ulaz nods and moves his tools slightly. Pidge stares at Shiro for a moment longer, making sure that he’s not just powering through it for their sakes. “This is the built-in generator. Any difficulties with power would originate here.”

“How does it generate power?” She asks, leaning forward to take a closer look. 

“It it primarily supplied by a crystal similar to the castles, but it also harvests kinetic energy and has a heat-based recycling system.” Pidge and Hunk ooh and aah over the system, and Ulaz moves his tools again. 

“This is the primary nervous connection. Any attempt to disconnect the system would be done through here.” 

“…Disconnect?” Shiro asks, lifting his head from the reclining chair. 

Ulaz’s gaze flicks up. “Yes.” He moves his tools again.

“You can disconnect the arm?” He slurs. 

“…It would be inadvisable.” 

“But you can do it?”

“Shiro, we can discuss this at another time.”

“I want you to take the arm off.” Shiro says.

“You are drugged, and this is not a decision made lightly.” 

“Ulaz, take the arm off.” 

“It is clearly time to stop. Hunk, if you would–” Hunk nods and hands Ulaz yet another small instrument. “I am going to begin closing up.” 

“No–” Shiro tugs at his arm. “Don’t, please just _take it off_ –”

“Pidge, the light.” Pidge nods, turning the angle of the light so it’s easier for Ulaz to see the arm. She swallows, focusing on the closing process and not on the way Shiro is twitching. 

“Ulaz–” Shiro pulls again. 

“Hunk, his arm.” 

“Ah– sorry Shiro, I’m sorry.” Hunk says, but he presses Shiro’s arm down so Ulaz can close it. “This is for the best, you know how dangerous leaving it open can be, there’s all sorts of stuff, I’m so sorry–” He’s babbling, but with the way Shiro’s panicking, it seems like the only thing he can do. Pidge presses her arm against his, and Hunk quiets. 

“Please, just get rid of it, Ulaz, please–” He’s begging now, looking straight at Ulaz. 

“We are almost finished.” 

“Take it _off_!” 

There’s a quiet whine of a drill, and then Ulaz is putting it back down. “We are done.” Hunk releases Shiro’s arm with a sigh of relief, and Pidge begins cleaning up the tools just to give herself something to do. 

Shiro jerks up into a sitting position and glares at Ulaz, who meets his gaze unflinchingly. 

“It’s my body.” He grits out. “ _I_ get to decide.”

“You are high.”

“ _I get to decide!_ ” Shiro smacks his metal hand against the table, and it makes a jarringly loud bang. Hunk and Pidge both jump. Ulaz flinches, but doesn’t look away. “And you _took that away from me!_ ”

Behind Ulaz, Hunk heads out the door and gestures for Pidge to abandon her cleanup and follow him. This argument had rapidly transformed to something that doesn’t concern them. Pidge sneaks a cursory look at Shiro, but his face and eyes are red and he doesn’t even spare them a glance. She tells herself that he’s only acting like this because he’s high, that this isn’t how he really feels about his arm, but, well–

He never knew he had the option. 

He never knew he had a choice. 

Pidge tails Hunk out of the room. Behind him, she hears a loud clatter as Shiro smacks something to the floor, and then Ulaz’s steady voice combined with Shiro’s high-pitched, distressed one. 

Hunk wraps an arm around Pidge’s shoulders and pulls her against him. “It’s alright.” He tells her. Pidge leans into his familiar warmth. 

“I know.” She says. Another banging noise echoes down the hall. She presses a little closer.


	2. Ulaz and Pidge bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna write like, vaguely descriptive things in the chapters so if yall are looking for something specific it's easier

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s almost done, Shiro–” 

Shiro screams, his eyes bulging, biting down harder on the rag stuffed in his mouth. He’s curled in Ulaz’s lap, his arm laid out so Pidge could look at it. He spasms again, and Ulaz tightens his grip, murmuring something into Shiro’s ear that only he can hear.

They don’t quite know what happened– it was a normal mission, it was _supposed_ to be a normal mission. Allura had asked them to gather a certain kind of plant with bio-electric qualities. The theory was that in the case of another attack on the massive crystal at the center of the ship, they could switch to a different kind of power until they could replace or repair the crystal. It seemed pretty simple. Simple enough that Pidge, Shiro, and Ulaz flew down in the Black Lion while the others went ahead to a neighboring planet to stock up on essentials. 

It should have been. But nobody had considered the possibility of Shiro’s arm reacting with the naturally electric qualities of the plants. And when Shiro knelt down to pick one, and his arm made contact–

When he’d started shrieking, Pidge had assumed he’d been shot, and had immediately pulled out her bayard and started scanning the horizon. It was only when she’d seen Shiro gripping his arm that she caught up to what was actually happening. Ulaz was quick to scoop him up and carry him away from the plants and towards the Lion, and Pidge trailed after him, telling Allura about the situation over the comms. They were lucky that they weren’t too far from the Black Lion, that they’d thought to have a variety of tools stocked inside. 

Still, it would really help Pidge’s concentration if Shiro would stop screaming and twitching. Shutting down his arm is hard enough as it is, and accessing the tiny set of buttons on the underside of it isn’t any easier when he keeps bucking against Ulaz’s grip.

Pidge stays focused on his arm, knows that if she looks up at him she wouldn’t be able to continue. There’s no way he’s totally here right now, with the way he’s being pinned down, the way his arm must be burning with pain. Seeing him like that is always upsetting, but it’s that much worse when she’s partially at fault for it. (Because seeing someone bent over his arm, tools in hand, well…) 

“I’m going to knock him out.” Ulaz says, his grip on Shiro’s arm tightening. “This will be easier without him moving.” Shiro bucks, his arm jolting underneath Pidge’s tools. She drops one of her tools to avoid catching his shoulder with it.

“Hold him still, I’m almost done.” Pidge tells Ulaz through gritted teeth, scrambling for the tool. “Just–”

Shiro slackens suddenly, and Pidge jerks back from his now-limp arm as it clatters to the floor. She looks up, at Ulaz who has him in a choke hold, at Shiro who’s passed out in his arms.

“You–” She starts furiously, jumping to her feet. 

“He was suffering.” Ulaz says, calming fixing her with that unnerving Galra gaze. “You can fix it faster now.” Ulaz looks down at Shiro, pulling the cloth out of his mouth with a tenderness that feels entirely out of place. There’s blood staining the rag, and Pidge sways slightly as she realizes he probably bit through his tongue. It’s good that they gave him the rag, then. He could’ve bitten it off entirely. 

“You should get back to work.” Ulaz says, and there’s just a hint of gentleness in his voice, sympathy for her and her situation. “I would prefer it if he didn’t wake up in pain.”

Pidge swallows, embarrassed and humbled. “Yeah.” She gets back to her knees, carefully maneuvering his arm to hit the series of buttons. Moments later, the arm shuts down, the small purple light on the underside dimming and going dark. “Done.” She announces, although it lacks the pride that normally accompanies having finished a difficult task.

She can feel Ulaz staring at her as she cleans up her tools, and she’s just beginning to get uncomfortable when he speaks.

“You are very young.”

“What?”

“You are very young, to be doing this.”

Pidge stuffs them back in the box with more force than immediately necessary, and turns to look at Ulaz. She has thousands of retorts prepared, but they die on her lips when she sees how he looks almost… sad. She clears her throat, and busies herself with checking the Black Lion over to make sure Shiro didn’t do any damage when he was kicking. “Yeah, well. I’m needed.” 

“I am aware. Still, it is commendable. You are very brave.” And it’s weird, how everything Ulaz says always sounds like he’s just stating facts. Pidge shifts, not quite sure how she feels about having a semi-bonding moment with Shiro’s weird alien boyfriend. Thankfully, she’s saved from responding when a call comes in over the comms.

“We’re in orbit.” Allura tells her. “How is Shiro?” 

“He’s fine.” Pidge reports back, watching as Ulaz carefully combs Shiro’s sweat-damp hair from his forehead. “We’re gonna need you to come get us.”

“We’re on our way.” Allura says, and Pidge hears a gentle click that indicates that she’d stepped away from the comms. 

“They’re coming.” Pidge relays to Ulaz. 

“They’re hurrying?” Ulaz asks, and it’s the first time she’s seen even a smidge of fear from him this whole time.  

“Yeah.” Pidge tells him, and she sits down next to him. “Yeah, they’ll be here soon.”


	3. injured Ulaz prompt fill

HI YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY DESTROYING ME WITH THESE PROMPT FILLS. May I request: Ulaz/Shiro with Shiro taking care of injured/tired/helpless Ulaz? 3x bonus points for Ulaz being reluctant about someone caring for him. <3

 

* * *

“Ulaz?” Shiro asks quietly, creeping into his room. He doesn’t try turning on the lights. If Ulaz has a headache, it’ll only make it worse. “Ulaz, I have some food and heat packs.” 

Ulaz growls from where he’s laid out on the bed. He’s on his stomach, his face buried in his arms and pressed against the pillows. He’s stripped completely naked except for his usual pair of black briefs, and Shiro pointedly ignores the tempting curve of his back. Now is not the time.

Shiro slides the tray of food and medical supplies onto the bedside table and kneels down beside Ulaz. “How are you feeling?” 

He growls again, low in his throat, and turns his head slightly to fix one half-cracked golden eye on Shiro. “I do not require care.”

“You were hit with a gravity weapon.”

“I have endured worse.”

“Yeah, but you don’t _need_ to endure it. Come on, it’ll make me feel better.” Especially since Ulaz had been the one to take the hit for him. He’d shoved Shiro out of the way at the last moment, and taken the full force of the shot to his back. For one terrible, heart-stopping moment Shiro was sure Ulaz was dead, but then Ulaz let out a pitiful groan and climbed back to his feet. 

Ulaz studies him with his one exposed eye, and then closes it and sighs. “If it will make you feel better.” 

Shiro smiles and then cracks one of the large heating packets, shaking it back and forth to speed up the chemical reaction. He’s is only now realizing that the second day is the hardest. The adrenaline has worn off and the full damage to Ulaz’s body is settling in. He’s sure that if Ulaz weren’t covered in a fine fur, he’d see a massive array of bruises spread across his body. At least no bones had been broken– it was just sore muscles. (Although Shiro almost wishes that he’d broken a bone, because then at least they’d be able to convince him to go into a healing pod.) 

Galra heal quickly, though. Shiro tests the heat of the packet with his hand and then places it over Ulaz’s back. He hisses at first, and then visibly relaxes. His arms shift and Shiro watches his shoulder muscles as they flex and stretch. 

He’s going to have to work on getting Ulaz out of his shirt more. 

No. Focus. He looks over at the food tray. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“No.” 

Not surprising. Ulaz takes in a massive amount of calories in order to keep running, but he’d have to sit up in order to eat, and that’s probably not happening considering his condition. Even breathing right now is probably painful. 

“Do you want me to stay?”

Ulaz doesn’t say anything. And as much as he hates it, in Ulaz-speak that’s probably a yes. 

Shiro stands up and toes off his boots. He pauses, then strips off his vest and pants as well. Ulaz turns his head in his arms to watch Shiro take off his clothing and eyes him with detached interest. 

When Shiro eases into the bed, he does so carefully, but Ulaz still hisses with every shift of the mattress. Shiro finally settles on his side to face Ulaz. 

Shiro studies Ulaz’s face, the patterns on it that he’s memorized a million times, the slightly pained scrunch of his nose, the way his hair is falling into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry you had to take that shot for me.”

“I am glad I did. You are small, it would have hurt you more.” 

“But you’re in pain.” 

“It is not much. It is worth it for you to be safe.”

Shiro flushes. Ulaz tends to just– _say_ things like that. Declarative, loving statements with absolutely no shame at all. It’s the exact kind of thing that Shiro struggles with. Instead, Shiro reaches out and gently pushes a lock of hair out of Ulaz’s face. He closes his one exposed eye and lets out a chirping noise not dissimilar to a cat’s purr. 

Shiro pauses, and then gently, carefully, runs his hand through the rest of Ulaz’s hair. The purr slows and deepens, and Shiro does it again. And again.

Ulaz falls asleep like that, with Shiro’s hand in his hair. His face is still slightly scrunched up from pain, but his muscles are more relaxed. Shiro doesn’t dare move for fear of shifting the mattress and waking Ulaz up, so he just withdraws his hand and stays there. 

He hates that Ulaz is in pain because of him. 

The least he can do is stay.

 


	4. NSFW, negotiating sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets a little NSFW!!

Ulaz likes watching Shiro shower.

Shiro is consistently body-shy, even around Ulaz. He’ll pull blankets and towels over himself to hide his scars, he’ll curl up into a ball if they’re in bed and Ulaz tries to look at his body. Letting Ulaz tell him where his scars came from was a big step for him, and even now on some days he’ll hide himself despite Ulaz having already seen everything.

But when he’s showering, Shiro relaxes. He enjoys the warm water and has the distraction of washing himself and Ulaz can watch. They’ll chat while Shiro cleans himself, trading stories about the day or one of their recent missions, but usually they’ll lapse into silence, with Shiro relaxing under the water and Ulaz getting distracted by the way the water runs down his skin, his chest, between his legs. 

They don’t really touch each other– not like _that_ , anyways. Shiro doesn’t have much of an interest in sex, and Ulaz doesn’t have any desire to do something Shiro doesn’t want to do. Shiro’s fine with him watching, though. If he takes pleasure in anything, it’s that. He’ll sometimes look over, study the way Ulaz’s eyes are lidded and the way he’s leaning forward, and his cheeks will turn pink and he’ll studiously go back to cleaning himself. 

If he’s feeling particularly adventurous he’ll let Ulaz dry him off, watching with dark eyes as Ulaz chases after every stray drop of water. Later, in bed, Shiro will read a datapad and stroke his hands through Ulaz’s hair while Ulaz palms at himself. Shiro doesn’t help, but after Ulaz is finished he’ll kiss him and get a rag and help him clean up. 

Shiro will periodically get aroused, but he’ll usually just get flushed and embarrassed and go back to working on his datapad until it goes away. 

“There is nothing to be ashamed of.” Ulaz will remind him. 

“I know. I just wish it wouldn’t happen.” 

“I know.” Ulaz says, and he’ll work on something too, until Shiro is more comfortable and discards his datapad to climb into his lap. 

They don’t kiss often. They express their affection through cuddling or holding hands or simply holding each other. Ulaz will kiss Shiro goodbye before missions, or after a particularly dangerous one. Sometimes Ulaz will feel ansty and aggressive and kiss Shiro until his lips are red and he pushes Ulaz away and tells him to go take care of himself. 

It’s not that Shiro doesn’t like being touched. He loves being touched. He loves when Ulaz gathers him in his arms and holds him so tightly he almost can’t breathe, he loves it when they’re in bed together and Ulaz will rub his face against his throat, scenting him and marking him as his own. But he can tell the difference– he can tell when Ulaz is touching him to express affection, and when Ulaz is touching him because he’s horny. 

Sometimes he doesn’t mind. Sometimes he’ll let Ulaz keep touching him, and one particularly memorable evening he let Ulaz rut against him until he was finished. Afterwards, Ulaz kissed him slowly and gently and thanked him profusely. 

Other times, he can’t stand the thought of being touched like that. His skin will crawl and he’ll tell Ulaz go to sleep alone that night. He’ll shower with the curtain closed and dry himself off and get dressed before going back to his room. 

Some days he can’t even stand to be touched at all, and he’ll stiffen when the other Paladins elbow him or go in for a hug, and they all do their best to be aware of that too. Ulaz never really minds either way– he does his best to be careful and understanding and not upset Shiro. 

Shiro will get frustrated with it sometimes, and his face will get red and his eyes will get damp and he’ll remove Ulaz’s hands from his body and apologize and hate himself, and Ulaz will assure him that it’s okay, that he doesn’t mind, that if Shiro doesn’t feel comfortable with something he’s doing it will never be a problem. 

They toe a line that is constantly moving, but they do their best. They communicate even when it’s hard for Shiro to articulate, and Ulaz learns to read Shiro’s body language. Mistakes are sometimes made, but forgiving each other is a constant part of the process. 

“You really don’t mind?” Shiro will ask, after Ulaz cleans himself up or removes his hands from Shiro when he’s not comfortable with it.

“No.” Ulaz will say. “There are things much more important to me.” And there are. Even if one day Shiro tells him that he's afraid, and he never wants to be touched again, he’ll be okay with it. They'll work on it together. 


	5. post-nightmare h/c

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just crossposting from tumblr.

Ulaz wakes up to Shiro shrieking. It’s familiar but no less alarming to jerk awake to high-pitched, breathless screaming. He sounds like he’s being tortured. He sits up, rolls over to blindly scramble for Shiro.

“Lights to sixty.”

The lights raise enough to leave him squinting, but he can at least now see Shiro. Shiro’s still screaming, taking desperate, heaving gasps for air between every shriek. His hands fly up to his face, digging his nails into his cheeks, dragging at the skin there until it bleeds. 

“Shiro, it’s me. You’re safe.” He grabs for Shiro, trying to get ahold of his wrists, but Shiro jerks away from him, gagging, his eyes rolling, screaming through his sobs.

This is the worst it’s been in a while. Maybe the worst Ulaz has ever seen. Usually he’ll calm down after a few moments, once the lights are on. He’ll cry and get embarrassed and let Ulaz hold him. He’ll vomit if he needs to, in the bin that they now keep by the side of the bed. He’ll gasp his way through panicked breaths and rock himself until he recognizes where he is.

But this time, Shiro won’t stop screaming. Ulaz can already hear the damage he’s doing to his throat. He might even wake the other Paladins, and while Ulaz wouldn’t mind the assistance, Shiro would be embarrassed. He would hate if they saw him like this.

“Shiro!” He snaps, hoping to somehow shock him out of the episode.

Instead, Shiro twitches, curls up, breaks down into muffled sobs. There’s a sudden, sharp smell, and Ulaz realizes that Shiro’s wet himself. Ulaz feels sick with guilt, watching as Shiro drags himself away from him in pure, unadulterated fear. He hides his face in his arms and cries into them, tucks himself in the furthest corner of the bed. He’s terrified. He’s terrified, and Ulaz needs to _do_ something about it.

Ulaz swallows. Takes a breath. Tries again. “Shiro, please.” He pleads, trying to be quiet and gentle. Trying to somehow drag him out of his terror. He wants so badly to touch him, but he doesn’t know if that would hurt or help right now. Shiro is shaking and shivering and screaming into his fist between sobs. He’s hyperventilating. Maybe he’ll pass out soon, maybe it’ll be a good thing. Then Ulaz can clean him up, get him comfortable, make sure that he feels safe when he wakes up.

He’s not coming down, though. Ulaz almost wishes that the Paladins would come and help. He doesn’t know what to _do_ here. It’s never been this bad. He’s never been this frightened.

“I will not hurt you.” He says. He’s probably too quiet for Shiro to hear over his sobbing, but at least it’s something. At least he’s doing something. He clears his throat. “We’re in the castle. You are in our bedroom. You are safe. Everything is safe.”

No response. He resists the urge to reach out to him. “The Paladins are safe in their beds. You are with me, in our bedroom. You are safe.”

They keep going like that, Shiro curled up on the bed, sobbing and screaming intermittently, and Ulaz, on the other end of the bed, quietly trying to talk him down. They go long enough that Ulaz’s feet fall asleep and Shiro’s voice is raw and ragged by the time he lapses into silence.

“Shiro?” Ulaz asks softly. Has he fallen asleep?

Shiro shifts in response. “…Ulaz?” His voice is soft and frightened and childlike, but at least he’s aware again. Ulaz breathes a sigh of relief.

“I am here.”

Shiro lets out a slow, shuddering breath. He still hasn’t uncurled, his face is still hidden in his arms. “Sorry.” He rasps.

“Do not be.”

Shiro begins to shift. He raises his head, and Ulaz tries resists the urge to reach out to him. His face is pale and blotchy and damp from crying. He slowly stretching his legs, and then stiffens and pales. “I— did I—“

“It’s alright.”

Shiro clearly disagrees, because he turns his face away from Ulaz and tears begin to roll down his cheeks again.

“Are you going to be sick?”

Shiro shakes his head, tucks his face back into his arms. Ulaz sits there, uselessly, watching Shiro curl back in on himself.

“Would you like me to help you get clean?”

Shiro makes an irritated noise in the back of his throat. “Fuck, Ulaz, give me a minute.”

His tone of voice is like a punch to the stomach, and Ulaz bristles. Even when Shiro’s upset or frightened, he tries to avoid lashing out. This is uncharacteristic.

“Stop staring at me.” Shiro says. “Please.”

“You are embarrassed.”

Shiro jerks his head up to look at Ulaz. His eyes are red and swollen, his face messy with snot and tears. “I’m a grown _fucking_ man, Ulaz, and I just pissed myself like a _child_. I got so _fucking scared_ from a _nightmare_ , god, what the fuck is _wrong with me_ —“ His lower lip trembles and he grits his teeth and covers his face with his hands as he chokes another sob into them.

Ulaz looks down at his hands. He doesn’t know what to do with this. He’s seen Shiro despairing in so many ways, over his past, over his skin, over his missing arm. “Can I touch you?” He asks, almost hesitantly, not wanting Shiro to snap at him again.

“I don’t know why you’d want to.” Shiro wipes at his face with the backs of his hands. “I’m going to take a shower.” He climbs off the bed, moving awkwardly in his ruined sweatpants. The smell gets sharper and more apparent, and Shiro must notice as well because he flushes as he walks past Ulaz.

Ulaz hesitates. Sometimes he’ll sit with Shiro while he showers, but this is… different. “Would you like me to come?”

“I need a minute.”

“Okay.”

Shiro closes the bathroom door behind him, and Ulaz busies himself with stripping the soiled sheets off the bed. He tosses them in the laundry chute, and then goes to the closet to get clean blankets. The entire process is comforting— he has something to do, he’s being useful. When he finishes, he stands there in silence, looking at the newly-clean bed. From the bathroom, he can hear the spray of the shower and Shiro crying.

Okay. Ulaz looks over the bed, smooths the covers, and then walks over to the bathroom door. It’s firmly shut. Shiro usually leaves it open a crack if Ulaz is in the room as an open invitation, but clearly this is not ‘usually’. Ulaz hesitantly raises his hand, and then knocks on the door. “Shiro?”

The crying abruptly stops. Or quiets, he’s not sure. Shiro’s voice is still full of tears when he answers him, which points to the latter. “M’fine.”

“May I come in?”

“Yeah.” His voice cracks.

Ulaz squares his shoulders and opens the door. Shiro’s still in the shower, his head bent forward to let the water roll off his back. He doesn’t turn around to look at Ulaz.

At least he’s not on the floor, but Ulaz can tell that Shiro made the shower water too hot again. He keeps doing that, and his skin will go pink and Ulaz will be able to see the steam rising off him.

Ulaz walks over to the shower, making sure that Shiro can see him before he reaches past him and slowly lowers the heat. Shiro shudders as though he’s suddenly awoken from something. He reaches out, tangles his metal arm in Ulaz’s shirt. It’s warm from the water, Ulaz can feel the heat through his shirt.

Ulaz steps into the shower, ignores the water dampening his clothes. Instead he bends over to wrap his arms around Shiro and hold him tightly to him. Sometimes this is what he needs. The compression of the human nervous system can result in a calming effect. Shiro told him that once, blushing and avoiding eye contact. Ulaz rubs his nose against Shiro’s hair.

Shiro’s still crying, but he leans back against Ulaz, lets him hold him from behind. “Sorry.” He sobs.

“Don’t apologize.”

Shiro shakes his head, turns it to shove his face into Ulaz’s bicep. They stand there for a while under the warm water, Shiro shaking and crying, Ulaz holding onto him for dear life.

Ulaz helps him dry off afterward, and helps him get dressed in clean clothes. He buttons up Shiro’s pants because his hands are shaking too badly, helps him into his shirt. Afterward, he strips out of his own shower-wet clothes and changes into dry ones.

They get into bed together, both quiet and subdued. Ulaz looks at the time. Three in the morning. They need to be awake in a few hours. Shiro seems to be thinking the same thing, because he rolls over and curls into his usual sleeping position against Ulaz’s chest. “Lights to ten.” Shiro mumbles. The lights dim accordingly. A little brighter than usual, but still dark.

Ulaz rubs his hand up and down Shiro’s back. They lay there in silence, neither asleep.

“I worry. That I’m not going to be normal again.” Shiro says softly, and he sounds… afraid, almost.

Ulaz doesn’t have anything to say to that. He could feign ignorance, pretend he doesn’t understand what Shiro is saying, but that would just be cruel. There aren’t any comforting words for that. Shiro’s probably right. He can heal, but the scars will always be there. Ulaz closes his eyes against the sudden, overwhelming guilt.

“Things will get easier with time.”

“What if they don’t?”

“…Then we will deal with it.” Ulaz turns his head to nuzzle against Shiro’s scalp. This line of thinking won’t do any good, especially this late. “It’s late. We should sleep.”

It speaks to how tired Shiro is that he doesn’t try to argue. Instead, he presses closer to Ulaz, rolls over to tuck his face into Ulaz’s neck. Ulaz slides his arms around Shiro. It’s closer than they usually sleep. He doesn’t mind, though. It’s easier to feel the rise and fall of Shiro’s back, and know he’s here, and safe.

“Wake me up if I start having another nightmare.”

“I will.”

Shiro seems to accept that, because he relaxes against Ulaz, heavy and trusting. Ulaz continues to slowly run his hand up and down Shiro’s back.

Maybe he’ll sleep through the rest of the night. Maybe tomorrow when he wakes up, he won’t be upset, or afraid. Ulaz tugs him a little closer. Shiro makes a quiet noise under his breath, but it’s not distressed. Content, maybe.

Shiro will probably have a bad night tomorrow as well. These things tend to come in multiples. He’ll remember the previous night as he’s trying to fall asleep, and upset himself enough that he has bad nightmares for days on end.

Ulaz will be there, though. He’ll try his best to wake Shiro up, and make him feel safe.

He doesn’t sleep that night. Instead, he lays awake, running his hand up and down Shiro’s back, feeling the heavy rise and fall of his breathing against his hand. The castle is dark, and safe, and warm. Shiro is at his side.

Ulaz wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> visit me at queenvallkyrie.tumblr.com


End file.
